dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
