All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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