His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
