Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
