I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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