the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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