does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
