That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
