Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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