i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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