I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
