we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
