Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
