i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
