We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
