Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
