How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
