i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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