I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
She has the best kind of daddy issues
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
