I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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