never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Randomize
