do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
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