New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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