She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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