I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
