So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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