youre lurking in front of me
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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