I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
