Nicole vs. Life
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
