I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
now i know why i became what i already was.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
