im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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