You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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