morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
