i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
