We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
