She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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