I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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