if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
