I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
