I want to make a zoo with you.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
