I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
