some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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