You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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