I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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