I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize