Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
