dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
