fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
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