I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
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