He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
