Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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