Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
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