your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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