At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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