WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
