Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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