My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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