I think i peed on brittanys purse
she looked like the before picture.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
