PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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