hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize