just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
