Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
