Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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