You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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