ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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