You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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