Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
