Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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