Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
