hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
