new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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