Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
