we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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