So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
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