Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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