You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
